Often times, after we have fought and settled with our partners, we discover that we understand our partners better and our love wax stronger. This proves that it is healthy to fight with our partner, after all we are two different people with individualistic characteristics ,but as I wrote earlier, how we handle this fights is essential to the life span of our relationship.
Couples fight for variety reasons like: the amount of time they spend together, or on how one partner allows meddling of family and friends in their love life or the frequency of sex or money issues amongst other issues. Couples even fight over silly things like how to use a tube of toothpaste or who’s next to do dishes, or the laundry.
According to Relationship Expert, Chantal Heide,“When you boil it down, all arguments stem from a difference in values with an inability to find common ground.” Heide explains.
“Couples where at least one partner has high expectations and a low willingness to accommodate will be most prone to frequent fights.”
We are all different human beings with different values, though lovers are thought as, of one mind and though some times, that hold true; our individualistic values rears it’s head once in a while and it may not be in line with our partner’s ideals and values which leads to clash of wills and fights.
Research show that most men quickly pick silence over quarrels. Some women mistake this to mean that they have won but this only means that the issue will come back another time hotter than the first.
In other not to break up a beautiful relationship because of a fight or a little bickering, there are things you can employ, to find a common ground between your values and that of your partner and handle fighting between you and your partner effectively well.
1. Relax your mind
Calm down, though your partner is annoying you at that moment, though he or she utters painful words, just relax. When you try to calm down and not act on your emotions, slowly you will find ways to ease the situation and end the fight. Naturally if your partner is flaring up and you are calm, he or she will calm down. Remember it takes two people to fight
2. Your Partner doesn’t want to fight you
Remember your partner probably hates fighting with you as much as you hate fighting with him or her. Remember both you and your partner wants harmony and desire a solution to the issue at hand. So when you are trying to calm down, let this be your motive to use to defuse the whole situation.
3. Individualistic values
Though love fuses your heart and that of your partner into one, you both have individualistic characteristics and values. Your partner has different views, experiences, and opinions which will affect his or her behavior. When you are fighting with your partner, try to understand his or her point of view before you do or say anything.
Lower your expectations. Stop expecting your partner to be perfect. Allow him or her be human. Also don’t treat every issue or every cause of fight as what you perceive your partner intentions to be, let he or she explain his or her stand on a particular topic; stop jumping into conclusions based on what you think your partner mean. Don’t ask or allow your partner sacrifice what you can’t sacrifice
5. Don’t bicker over small things
Some things are meant to be ignored. Not every disagreement is a reason to fight, not every slight thing should be provocative to you.
Forgive your partner when he says he’s sorry. Don’t hold a grudge even when your partner hasn’t apologized yet, and when he or she does, don’t mock him or her, accept your partner in love.
7. Apologize Properly
When you are wrong, apologize sincerely; not grudgingly. Don’t give pride a space in your relationship. Even when you are not wrong, a simple “I am sorry ” can defuse a ticking time bomb. Be ready to apologize with a heart filled with love whenever a fight occurs. It’s better to be happy than right.
8. Leave it in the Past
Let it be in the past, all your previous fights and arguments, let them go with the past. Let them die with time, don’t resuscitate them whenever you are a new fight or a similar fight. Let bygones be bygones.
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