“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
— Marilyn Monroe
Romantic relationships can be sweet as honey sometimes and other bitter like bitter leaf, there will be fights and intimate moments but when the relationship comes to an end, it leaves us devastated and feeling rejected. It becomes more unbearable and very painful when we love our ex. Our life becomes a blurry mess and sometimes we feel the only thing that can make us happy or well again, is seeing our ex.
Relationships are plants, give the right nutrients and minerals it will grow to a big tree but if you deny it these, it will die. Beautiful relationships die for different reasons like selfishness, cheating, lack of trust and a ton of other cogent and flimsy reasons. This leaves both or either party/parties depressed and heartbroken. The mistakes people often make, is to pretend they are not hurting or they immerse theirselves into work. Some indulge in drugs or alcohol to mute the pain, others have rebound relationships or sex. All these don’t take the pain away, it just temporarily hide or suppress it. The pain will only come back with so much ferocity that you will be left too broken to breathe.
When a tree is cut down, another one is planted. When your relationship with that special person comes to an end, do not plan to end with it. Breakups can be devastating, very very painful. Here are some tips that will help you deal with breakup without you losing your self.
1. Love is never enough
Accept the fact that love wasn’t enough. Make peace with yourself that lack of love wasn’t for the break up. Sometimes people grow apart and sometimes we can’t seem to tolerate our excesses. Accept the relationship is gone and try to heal.
2. Contact Purge
Coined by the site, Thought Catalog, contact purge is the next step in getting over a break up. This involves deleting your ex phone numbers, both from your head and your phone, deleting his/her pictures, messages, multimedia messages, any sort of reminders of him or her. Though many argue that it’s not right to do so, psychologists have proven this helps the heart to move on and heal faster.
3. Take time off
Stay away from social media, online, stay away from everything that will cause you to to remember the break up. Take time off to heal, call sick at work. Take leisure walks, rest well, sleep well too. Take enough time to heal.
4. Have the talk
Talk about it to people who won’t judge you, like a your parent or best friend. Lay everything on them, from your feelings of pain to feelings of rejection to every other thing you feel. Do not bottled everything up and try to prove that you are strong, let people in who can comfort you. The more you talk about it, the easier it is to let go and breathe freely. Also lean on your friends and family, let them know what you are passing through and let them help you through it.
Cry it all out. If your heart is breaking, cry it all out. Don’t suppress the tears, so that something won’t push you off the edge in public. Mourn what would been, what was, and what is. Use this period to cry out all the pain but do not cry forever, when the time comes, pick up yourself and move on.
6. You can’t be friends for now
Put off any form of friendship for the time being, till you are certain that you both can exist in a room with hurt clawing at you. Make new friends, the ones that are not mutual friends with your ex.
7. Take care of you
Treat yourself to better food and drinks. You can even try an obsession diet, but do not overindulge, eat healthy. Remember the great things you have done, your mighty potentials, remember who you are. Dress well, do the things you love. If you always wanted to go scuba diving, save up and do it. If you always wanted to visit an art museum or a city, do it. Take good care of you. Remember that the end of the relationship is not the end of the road for you. Focus on your strengths and weaknesses and work on them, build a new you. Also take time to think about what is best for you and do it and work towards it.
8. Become Active
Engage in exercise, visit gym, take on that new project, be active. After the mourning stage (which shouldn’t be too long), do things to stop your self from wallowing in self pity and feelings of rejection. Engage in fruitful ventures.
9. It is probably for the best
You have it in mind that it is probably for the best. That the break up might usher new and better things to come. It may usher a new job, a better relationship amongst others.
10. Analyze the relationship
Check the previous relationship, what were you doing wrong? What didn’t you do? Which flaws do you need to work on? What did your ex do wrong or do right? What were things you both ignored in the relationship? These questions and host of others, are what you should analyze, answer and correct when entering a new relationship. These help your next relationship tremendously because you will be better person.
Some relationships are bound to live, some to die, what the case maybe always give in your best to the relationship and if it works out, be happy, if it doesn’t, pick up the pieces and move on. Do not dwell on the hurt so much as you will take your own life. Sometimes depression especially after a hard break up, is inevitable but suicide won’t ease the pain, it will only start a vicious cycle of pain. Say no to suicide. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs