Relationship built on lies

A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.
— www.geckoandfly.com

One of the strongest pillars of any relationship is trust, without trust, a relationship will hang by a strand. Any relationship built on deception, is doomed to fail before its inception. Most times, people lie to cover up something, for instance you tell your boyfriend you went for choir rehearsals whereas truth to be told, you were hanging with a friend your boyfriend doesn’t like or telling your girlfriend you are going for a meeting but instead you go see your side chick, these and other lies damage your relationship. White lies too also are dangerous, in fact they are like training your ability to lie to your partner in Nursery school and when the need arises you graduate to bigger and dirtier lies.

Lying doesn’t only entail not telling your lover the truth, it is also entail telling half truths, exaggerating, minimizing and withholding information that are important to both you and your partner and which help your relationship grow and your personality too. Though it’s not right to offload all your information on your partner on the first or even second date, it’s imperative that with time, gradually, you let your partner in on who you really are under the finesse. You should reveal your true self, vulnerable and all. Most people find it difficult to feel vulnerable around their partners for the fear that their partners are capable of hurting them the most but vulnerability is an essential factor that makes a relationship grow beautifully.

Lying destroys everything you have built with your partner. It shatters trust, when your partner finds out that you have been lying all this while about important things, s/he will find it extremely difficult to trust you again. Someone once said “I am not angry because you lied to me, I am angry because I may not be able to trust you again “. This quote ring true for so many people who have been lied to, the ability to trust their partner will be lacking. Deceit also prevents intimacy because whenever you and your partner wants to get intimate, feelings of guilt and shame will prevent you from being totally comfortable and free with your partner. Moreover lies give birth to more lies, so to cover a secret or when you don’t tell the truth about something you tell a lie, and in the nearest future to defend that lie you will have to tell another lie and the trend continues, leaving a trail of deceit behind you in the relationship. When you lie to your partner it lowers the self esteem of both you and your partner because when you lie, you feel guilty and later begin to criticize your ability to be honest to your partner and to yourself. You begin to question your religious beliefs, your moral beliefs and then your self esteem takes a hit because you will feel bad about yourself. This may even lead to health complications. When your partner finds out that s/he was lied to, it breaks them. They begin to doubt everything you have told them and begin to question who they are and whether they are worthy of the truth.

Mere lies as you may call it, ruin relationships faster than cheating and money issues. If you have been lying to your lover about certain things and certain areas of your life, you should be first all of be genuinely sorry that you have been lying to your lover, then forgive yourself then prepare yourself for your partner’s reactions then you tell him or her. It’s better for you to tell your partner that you lied to him or her than your lover finding out or hearing it from someone else. It’s also better to tell the truth as early as possible because the longer the lie takes the more it’s going to hurt when he or she finds out. Finally no relationship built on deception will last, always build your relationship on trust and the truth. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs