“I just want to feel safe with someone… to not always be wondering how he feels about me, to not always be waiting for him to walk away, wishing he would love me back. I need to be able to trust that a man is there for me for the right reasons, because he cares enough to be there”
We are all afraid to feel vulnerable around people for the fear that they will hurt us, but when we become free to feel vulnerable in the presence of that special one, then it means we feel safe with that person. This is called Emotional safety in a relationship; it is when you feel free to express your feelings and views, voice out your fears without fear of being judged or hurt and when your partner feels the same. In other words, it is feeling emotionally safe with your lover. Like trust and intimacy, it takes time to build. That is because a lot of things is involved in feeling emotionally safe like trust. Without trust, you can’t feel emotionally safe.
Emotional safety is important in any relationship because it compliments romantic connection. It also fosters intimacy, because intimacy requires baring your soul to your lover and stripping off all forms of pretense, and when you feel safe with your lover, you can be the real you with him or her. It’s just like running away from the stress and dangers of the outside world to your house, your home where you feel safe. It also kills feelings of suspicion, clinginess, and fear. It is wonderful to feel safe with someone you love not only physically but also emotionally too.
Feeling unsafe around your partner can be due to many reasons like past mistakes, personal insecurities, personal past negative experiences, lust etc. When a partner feel unsafe, she or he starts to snoop around his electronic devices, some becomes so clingy to the point of following their partners to the bathroom, others becomes too afraid to argue with their partner, never taking responsibility for their actions and emotions. Safety in a relationship is the reason why when an enemy of your relationship dig old secrets about your partner and tell you, you wave it off because you know the worst things about your partner. Emotional safety makes a relationship worthwhile.
Are you feeling emotionally unsafe around your lover, yet you love him or her very much and you want to make things work, here are tips on how to
Be consistent to your partner. Do the things you said you will do, when you said you will do them. Always show you care and that you are available when he or she needs you. Communicate frequently and effectively with him or her, all the time, creating an air that you are dependable and reliable and open. Be there to advise her, be there to support him, let him/her feel your absence and enjoy your presence.
Share your thoughts and secrets with your lover and encourage them to do so. Tell him that you were once a prostitute, tell her you once did drugs, tell him that you once slept with two friends, tell her that you were once a player. It’s not right to dump all your past or your dirty or good or goofy habits on him or her all at once, instead gradually open up to him or her and this will inspire your lover to begin to feel free to share bits and bits of himself or herself with you. Tell your partner about your past, your present, your future, your bad and exciting habits, your personality flaws, let your partner know who you are and know who he or she is.
3. Don’t be judgemental
Don’t judge your partner no matter what he or she did instead be curious to learn more about him or her. For the fact that he or she told you shows she feels bad about it. If it’s in the past let it be the past. If it’s a character flaw, like she spends too much on clothes or he drinks too much, judging your partner won’t help instead with love and patience help your partner lose those habits. Show your partner a lot of compassion and empathy that they will fall deeper in love with you. When your lover share a tidbit of himself or herself and instead of being judgmental, you are emphathetic and compassionate to their plight, they will open to you more freely and more often.
4. Be honest
For you feel totally safe with your partner, you both should be honest with each other. Tell each other the truth about every scenario and don’t keep things important things from your partner. Being responsible for your emotions.Always be responsible for your bad days and nights and moments. Don’t heap unnecessary blame on your partner. When you are not fine, say u aren’t, If you are not happy, say it. Always be totally honest with your partner.
5. Prioritize each other
Spend time with each other. Make time for each other no matter how busy you both are. Play with each other, have inside jokes, special names and find ways to spice up your relationship. Cut unimportant people out of your life, especially your exes. Place your partner above all others when it’s time for your lover. Actions speak louder than words, so if you want truly to show your partner that you love him or her, spend time with them, not just your free time.
6. Don’t be guilt trip
Don’t make partner feel partner feel bad even though they ought to feel so. Don’t guilt trip him or her. Whenever they make a mistake or do something wrong, correct in love. Never give your partner a reason to regret being be with you.
7. I love you
Finally, tell your partner sweet things, like I love you, I love your dress, your suit looks good on you. Boost your partner’s self esteem, ego and personality by paying them compliments at the right times, not too much though or it will lose its taste but enough to help your partner glow.
Love doesn’t guarantee emotional safety, it takes a lot of work, effort and patience to build the foundation for emotional safety. There is also no stage where you can stop building emotional safety, it’s a forever thing so long you love your partner. Emotional safety makes relationship bloom like a beautiful flower and glow like the sun. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs
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