Focusing on what comes after yes in a relationship

“Now that we have found love, what we are going to do with it?”
– Headz and the Boyz

– Headz and the Boyz

Borrowing lyrics from the famous 1980’s song, some of us don’t know what to do when we enter into relationship. Most times, the guys are just focused on wooing the girl while the girls are more focused on screening their list of guys to find the right one for them that both parties forget the rudiments of how to stay in the relationship when they finally enter one. Infatuation or attraction isn’t enough to keep a relationship alive and physical attraction can’t certainly keep the fire of relationship burning except it is a purely physical relationship.

At the beginning of the relationship, everything might be rosy, love may be sweet and hormones will be raging but when you both pass this stage and you guys both get to know each other better, things begin to change. You begin to see your partner’s true colors, his/her strengths, flaws, weaknesses, and downright dirty habits. This is when you hear things like “why didn’t call me three times yesterday like you normally do” or “why did you pee in toilet without flushing”. This is the stage sacrifices and compromises come in, where commitment is required and connection becomes strained. These are also times where romantic names seem to take the backseat and if care is not taken and you both begin to fall out of love. Most relationships break up at this stage because they can’t take the heat; it becomes even more tragic if couples marry at the rosy stage of their relationship without knowing each other well enough, this kind of marriages end up in divorce 95% of the time. When you and lover are able to grow pass the conflict stage and become more comfortable with each other as well as comfortable in your individual skins then your relationship will become sweeter.

For any relationship to work, both partners have to make conscious efforts to make it work. One relationship site hit the nail on the head with this statement and I quote “Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a practice. It is not only a behavior, it is a skill.” For your relationship with your special one to go through the conflict stage, you both have to work together to make the relationship work. This is where building the right foundation for a successful and long-lasting and fulfilling relationship starts. This is where effective communication, connection, trust, commitment, honesty, compromise, sacrifice, tolerance and other building blocks of a successful relationship will be employed. For you and your lover to resolve conflicts without destroying the relationship, it is best to start practising the right kind of love early in the relationship.

For your relationship to work, you have to start working on it when you are single; you have to focus not only on getting the girl or picking the right guy but also making the relationship work after you win his/her heart. So read books and articles on pillars of a long-lasting relationship, study your lover, pray, take care of yourself and give that special one space. A beautiful and love-filled relationship takes work but when you are doing it for the right person, it will be worth the trouble. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs