“Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.” — Mona Sutphen
Respect is one of the baselines for a successful and long term relationship. Without respect, your relationship will be abusive and toxic. Respecting your partner is proof that you love him or her; if you love your partner with all your heart, you will be considerate and compassionate about his/her feelings, you won’t want hurt him or her intentionally. Though no one is perfect, how you treat your partner on a daily basis and how you treat him or her when you have a fight shows whether you regard your partner or not.
Respecting your partner is admiring them, regarding their wishes and boundaries, and so much more. There are reasons why respect is one of the fundamentals for your relationship to be beautiful and successful; respect ensures that you and your partner fight less frequently, it also helps you and your partner grow together and individually while building and cementing both of your self esteem. When your boyfriend wants to mediate, and you don’t nag about how he is leaving you alone then you respect him. If horror movies scare your girlfriends, don’t talk about it, that’s respect. There are several ways to show your partner that you respect him/her. Here are they :
1. Be tolerating
No matter how much you and your partner love each other, you both can’t be alike. You both have different views, opinions and backgrounds. Learning to adapt to and tolerate these differences in your relationship, show that you respect your partner. For instance, your lover don’t like a kind of music, don’t play the music when he or she is around. If you don’t eat yam and you know your partner loves it, don’t stop her from eating it because you hate it. Tolerate your lover’s flaws and imperfections, not because he snores while sleeping, you nag about it, that’s not respectful. Try to tolerate the habit.
2. Think of yourselves as partners
Do everything as a team. When you want to take a decision, consider how it affects your lover; will she like to move with me to Abuja? Will he be upset if I use our credit card to buy those shoes? Every important thing you want to do, let your partner be involved. This is one of the highest form of respect you can give your lover. Be honest and tell your partner the truth about things, don’t lie to your partner “. Though it’s difficult and scary to be totally vulnerable with someone, let your lover into your world and let s/he be involved in it.
3. Solve issues respectfully
“You are stupid for telling Shola about the loan”, avoid using words like these when you and your lover are resolving an issue. Don’t use abusive words or attack your lover emotionally. Instead loving resolve the issues by saying things like “You shouldn’t have told Shola about the loan, I didn’t want him to know “, this way you are less aggressive in your approach to the issue. Avoid being aggressive when you and your partner are dealing with issues. When your partner offends you or upset you, don’t wait till your anger and hurt reach a point that it can boil water before you tell your lover; let your partner know how you feel on time.
4. Appreciate your lover
Whether he take time off to help with the laundry or he was rock when you were going through depression, appreciate his contributions and deeds that he did just to make you happy. Don’t take for granted, her checks on you or the food she drops at work for you. Always let your partner know how much you appreciate and love their efforts. You don’t have to get the biggest diamond for her or buy a million dollar wristwatch for him, just simple heartfelt words like “I love you more ” or “Thanks so much for what you did, you are a darling”.
5. Be your own best friend
There is nothing more important than your self respect. If you don’t respect your self, you can’t fully respect your partner. Don’t do things and say things to your self that will destroy your self esteem. Don’t let anyone trample on your self respect and put yourself in a positions that will warrant insults to your self.
Learn to compromise sometimes. You can’t be right all the time, and you can’t also be wrong all the time, but in a romantic relationship you are fighting the problem not each other, don’t forget that. Compromise is a wonderful and essential key for a successful relationship.
7. Always try to listen effectively
Active listening to each other is very important to your relationship, it is also one of the best ways to show that you both respect each other. When you listen to understand not to argue or respond, you can solve issues rapidly, avoid squabbles, understand your partner better and love your partner the more. Listening attentively to your partner requires your dedication which shows your respect.
8. Apologize when you mess up
When you hurt your lover, don’t hesitate to seek for his/her forgiveness. Respect your lover by being conscious of your lover’s feelings and emotions, try not to hurt these feelings and when you do, make sure you try to make your lover feel better.
9. Don’t cross your lover’s boundaries
Every body has lines you shouldn’t cross; don’t cross your partner’s boundaries. If your lover don’t like being surprised, don’t attempt to. Not because she is your girlfriend then it’s OK to go through her phone, respect each other’s boundaries. Also give your partner space, don’t choke him/her with your presence, give your lover space so he/she to think and plan.
10. Always try to put your self in your lover’s shoes
“If I were in Jay’s shoes, will I approve of him going on a date with another woman?” always try to be able to be empathetic to the way your partner feels. Don’t do things that you won’t tolerate to your partner. Avoid putting yourself in places and situations that will make you betray your partner.
11. Always try to be compassionate
Shower your lover with compassion. Try to cheer your lover up when he or she is sad, motivate him or her, kiss her to quieten the sobs, hug him in such a way that he feels that he is not alone. Help your lover reach his/ her maximum potential. Encourage your partner to be the best version of himself or herself.
12. Don’t admire members of the opposite sex annoyingly
Don’t lust over that guy that just said hello when your partner is around. While it’s impossible no to admire the opposite sex, do not make it an habit of commenting on every fine with guy you see or every beautiful girl you see. It is rude when you do that especially in front of your lover.
13. Don’t insult your partner
Don’t insult or abuse your partner whether publicly or privately. When you insult your partner publicly, you destroy his/her ego. Don’t abuse your partner especially in front of your friends and family.
All of these will amount if the respect is not mutual. You and your partner should respect each other equally. Don’t stay in a relationship that your partner don’t respect you, it is a very unhealthy. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs