Attention isn’t Love

Relationships fail because people take their own insecurities and try and twist them into their partner’s flaws. – Baylor Barbee

In our world today, love has suffered many misconceptions, one of which is that the meaning of love is attention. When that guy you are crushing on starts giving you attention, you feel on top of the world and nurture the idea that he has fallen in the love with you but the truth is he might just be using you or he just simply enjoy your company. When someone showers you with attention, it doesn’t necessarily mean the person loves you. Don’t confuse attention with love, love is more than having your needs met 24/7, it is more than being the center of your S.O’s life every second of day; love is about give and take, it’s about giving each other space to grow.

When someone is always coming around to see you or helping you whenever you need help, try to find the reason for his/her interest in you, is it love or s/he wants something else? Although when you like or love someone, you will always want to be around that person, this person might have another motive for being around you, like he/she may want to gain something from you or want to use you to get your friend or family or even want to harm you or just loves your company. Be sure of the kind of attention you are getting before you give your heart out.

Many people especially young lovers believe that the best way to show love is showing attention, they forget the saying which rings true that goes as thus “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. While it is imperative for your lover to shower you with attention, it shouldn’t be the reason you love him or her, give your partner avenues to miss you. Love your special one for the right reasons like who s/he is or how s/he makes you so happy that fell in love with him/her; if you fall in love with the attention and for one reason or the other, s/he can’t give you that amount of attention, you will fall out of love with that person.

These days, the easiest way to know that two people are dating is checking their social media accounts. Names like sweetheart, the love of my life and other sweet words will fill the captions, telling anyone who cares to listen that these two are in love. The funny thing is if one partner posts and the other didn’t like or comment the couple will have a huge fight. All these are just attention not love. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad to like/comment on your lover’s post or tell the world you are in love but it shouldn’t be used to measure the quantity and quality of love. The best way to show your partner you love him/her is to do things for them, take them out, make him/her feel happy from deep down in his/her heart which no like on Instagram can’t do.

Some people are natural attention seekers, they are always excited when they are the center of attention and sad when they are neglected. This comes from deep insecurity issues; they feel that their self-esteem hangs on it. Some even go to the extent put others especially their loved ones down just be at the center of it all. These kinds of people misinterpret the meaning of love; when they fall in love, they want their partners to be around 24/7, give up their lives to please them and they always want to control and lead their so-called lovers’ lives. This is one of the worst misconceptions of love; you don’t have to imprison your partner in your world for him/her to show you s/he loves you. It is selfish, wicked and not love at all. It also shows that you won’t be faithful to your lover because if he/she doesn’t give you enough attention, you will look for it in the arms of another. If you fall into this category, try to improve on you, stop seeking too much attention and deal with your insecurities. Seeking too much attention, will drive away good lovers and bring heartbreakers into your life.

Some people don’t know whether they are in love with their partners, or just enjoy the attention their partner gives. Here are tips to tell you the difference between love and attention:

1. Who do you miss?

Who do you miss your partner or the attention he/she gives? To know the answer to that, check whether you immediately find someone to fill your partner’s void when he/she is around or not.

2. Is it always about you?

When your Valentine needs you to be there, are you? Are you there for your lover in good and bad times, in the crazy and normal, during tears or laughter or you keep your distance until your lover is in a good mood and ready for you? If you are and you makes sacrifices and compromises too, you love your special one, if not you are just an attention seeker.

3. Is only your partner’s attention you crave?

If anyone who showers you attention is who you crave, then you don’t love your partner. Your partner’s attention should be what you want, should need, should crave.

4. Is it effortless?

If anything you do for your partner is burdensome, then you don’t love your partner. You should be able to take care of your partner, love him/her unconditionally, treat him/her specially and try to make him/her happy without feeling like you are working to please someone. Also showering this lover with enough attention shouldn’t be a problem, because you love your partner.

Attention is needed in love but doesn’t define love. Love for the reasons, live for the right moments and always give your all to that special one. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs