“The greatest harm is done with the best intentions at heart” – Unknown
Since the dawn of time, parents have been known to interfere in their children’s relationships. Either they want to pick the right man for their daughter or they psychoanalyze the woman their son wants to marry or breathe fire and brimstone when they want their child wants to defy them. Although they may have the best intentions at heart, most of the time, they end up ruining their children’s love lives and also their lives. Parents meddle in their children’s lives for lots of reasons, like preventing their child from making the mistakes they made or trying to ward off gold-diggers or trying to protect their child from hurt or suffering. Whatever the reason, their meddling is born out of love and wanting the best for that child.
Parents’ meddling has destroyed many relationships and made many people miserable. Some parents deliberately make life difficult for child’s partner even when it’s clear that s/he genuinely cared about their son/daughter. Some of these parents are actually jealous of their child’s new lover because they fear this new person will take their child’s entire love from them. This makes them feel afraid and they act very badly and horribly around this person. Some other parents may just have someone else in mind, the one who they feel is Right for their child, someone who they can control, maybe their friend’s daughter/son, and may boost their status in the society. Love is meant to be free, dangerous and fun, not arranged, some parents fail to realize that.
They feel what they are doing is right after all “I brought him to this world and he must obey me”. Some parents do it subtly. These are ways they can ruin your relationship
1. Invasion of privacy
They might just decide to show up at an event you are supposed to be with your partner or they can just let themselves in when you guys are getting naughty and tangling in the sheets. They want to know everything about your relationship and want to tell you what to do in the relationship and how to do things, in other words, they want to control your relationship.
2. Always providing for you
Another way your parents can ruin your relationship is by trying to provide your every need. You want a house, they get one, you want clothes, and they buy a boutique. Trust me, you are selling your rights when you accept everything that give you; it is their ticket to controlling every decision you make. By giving you everything you want, you will feel obligated to do whatever they ask you to, and if you don’t agree to it, they will make reference to what they have been doing for you since you were born.
3. Babying you
By doing this, they only ruin your relationship, they ruin you. Petting you, protecting you from life, taking care of your need, all these are forms of babying you which will destroy your life and relationship. This is because your lover will feel like you can make a decision without first consulting them, which is true. This will also give your parents license to pick and hassle whoever you want to date.
4. Insulting and badmouthing your partner
Now this is a classic, it has to be meddling parents 101. They will keep telling you that this partner is not right for you because s/he is maybe from a poor family, or from other tribe, or just chews loudly. They may even go do some digging into your lover’s past to get some incriminating evidence that they can use against him/her.
5.They are selfish
Another way, they can ruin your relationship with your lover is by being selfish. Your father may want to take you on a business trip to France on the same night you are hosting your girlfriend’s birthday party, your mother might want to have mother-daughter night on your date night. They will always bring something up that benefits them so that you won’t be able to spend time with your lover.
Ok, this is meddling parents 102. They will try to make you feel bad when you refuse to do their bidding. “I carried you for nine months and see how you are treating me” this is the most popular line mothers use to trap their children especially their sons; they say this and boom you become sentimental. Some parents will try to bring up the mistakes you made in the past, all in the bid to get you to accept their wishes.
There are many other subtle ways and obvious ways, parents can meddle in your relationship. Although like I said earlier, they do all do out of love well most of time, they have no right in destroying your relationship.
You can however set them straight by making some ground rules that will restrict their access to your life. Stop them from doing everything for you, so you won’t be indebted to them like don’t allow them buy you clothes, do your laundry or anything else on their own for you. You are an adult act like one, don’t let them treat like a kid and don’t put yourself in a situation that makes you look like one. Give your lover a greater percentage of your time; spend time building relationship with your special one. And lastly don’t let them make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel insecure or make you feel like you can’t take care of yourself, we all make mistakes, they do too, learn and grow from your mistakes. Love is a beautiful thing and is one of the hardest things to find, don’t let anyone destroy it when you find it because most people don’t get to meet the ONE twice. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs