Hadiza El-Rufai, first wife of former Kaduna State governor Nasir El-Rufai, has revealed that entering a polygamous marriage was not part of her original plan when she got married.
Mrs El-Rufai made the disclosure in a post shared on X on Sunday while reacting to an online debate sparked by a lawyer’s public announcement that he was taking a second wife.
According to her, she was raised in a monogamous home, while her husband came from a polygamous background, noting that polygamy was never discussed before they got married.
“My husband was raised in a polygamous family, while I, by contrast, grew up in a monogamous one,” she wrote.
“When we agreed to get married, I envisaged a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed.”
She explained that although her marriage later became polygamous as a result of her husband’s decision, she ultimately chose to remain in it.
“Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but subsequently by choice,” she said.
“I say ‘not by choice initially’ because the transformation of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband’s choice and not mine.
“I say ‘subsequently by choice’ because deciding to remain in the marriage was my choice and nobody else’s.”
Mrs El-Rufai further noted that under Islamic law, a woman has the right to exit a marriage without giving any reason, provided she returns the dowry.
“We got married under Islamic law and under that law, a woman reserves the right to opt out of a marriage, even without giving a reason,” she said.
“One condition, though, is that she must return the dowry that was paid to her. Could that have influenced my decision to stay? Because, frankly, by that time, I don chop my dowry clean mouth.”
Reflecting on her experience, she shared what she described as some benefits of being a first wife in a polygamous marriage, particularly for women.
“You’ll have more time to focus on your career, your interests and do what you’ve always wanted to do,” she said.
“You’ll have more time for your children. The wahala of in-laws will be divided and shared.”
However, she added that she could not clearly identify any advantage of polygamy for men, advising individuals to make personal decisions that align with their values and circumstances.
Nasir El-Rufai married Hadiza in 1985. The couple first met in 1976 at the School of Basic Studies, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, and later got married in Kaduna. Hadiza El-Rufai is a writer and novelist, and they have children together.
In addition to Hadiza, the former Kaduna governor is also married to Asia El-Rufai and Aisha El-Rufai.