Nigerian comedienne Tomama has shared her thoughts on why many parents constantly ask their daughters about marriage, suggesting that the pressure often comes from not knowing what their children are experiencing behind closed doors.
According to the actress and content creator, many women shield their families from the realities of their relationships, choosing to share only the happy moments while hiding the heartbreak, disappointment and emotional struggles.
She believes that if parents were more aware of those experiences, they would be less likely to pressure their daughters into getting married.
Speaking in a video shared online, Tomama said:
“Ladies, the reason why your parents are stressing and disturbing you for marriage is that you don’t tell them what you go through in that relationship.
“Una no dey tell them wetin una eyes dey see. Try dey talk, because me, I dey tell my mama everything.”
The comedian revealed that she has always maintained an open relationship with her mother, sharing both the joyful and painful moments of her love life.
Recalling one of her past heartbreaks, she said she immediately called her mother in tears, prompting a series of questions about what had happened.
“The last breakfast wey I chop, I called her and started crying while calling my boyfriend’s name. She asked, ‘What happened? He d!£?’ I say no. ‘He dey hospital?’ I say no. So why are you now crying?
“I told her everything, and she just said, ‘Eeeheeeh.'”
Tomama explained that after witnessing how deeply the breakup affected her, her mother became more protective whenever she mentioned meeting someone new.
She recalled that when she later planned to go on a date, her mother initially advised her to take time to heal before entering another relationship.
“Few weeks later, I wanted to go on a date. She said, no, rest and heal. I told her it was only a friendship date. She said, okay, but if it’s relationship, don’t involve yourself.”
The comedienne admitted that on one occasion she ignored her mother’s advice, only to end up heartbroken once again.
Using her own experience as an example, she encouraged women to stop hiding the difficult parts of their relationships from their parents.
According to her, when families truly understand the emotional toll their daughters sometimes endure, conversations shift from “When are you getting married?” to encouragement to heal and avoid rushing into another relationship.
“So tell me, where will they have the time to be disturbing you about marriage after you’ve told them everything? They can see it and also experience it with you.
“Who go like make him pikin dey cry? Them go dey tell you, ‘No rush oo, abeeg.'”
Tomama added that openness has shaped her own family’s perspective on marriage, saying they no longer pressure her because they are fully aware of what she has gone through.
“In my family, they don’t have that mentality of, ‘When are you bringing husband?’ because they know everything, and we dey cry everything together.”
Her comments have since resonated with many social media users, with some agreeing that honest communication can help parents better understand why their children may choose not to rush into marriage.
Others, however, noted that while openness can strengthen family support, cultural expectations around marriage often persist regardless of whether parents know the full story.
For Tomama, the message is simple: sharing life’s difficult moments with trusted family members can lead to greater understanding, emotional support and less pressure to meet society’s expectations on marriage.
